sandboxed

Ok fine, so its my own fault.

Cause now at least 500 times a day I am forced (at conversation point) to speak of this move to France. And only because everyone is so damn excited for me and that is GREAT~ but i feel very much like when i got engaged (ps. in case you didn't get the memo or read the title of the blog, no it didn't work out and we didn't marry) but just the very site of the ring causes, as you can imagine, a millennium of questions...when is it, where is it? whose coming? did you pick a dress? are you having kids? how many? when will you start? and on and on

and now, I have gotten "engaged" with Paris and I am wearing the ring around my entire face/body/soul. And its ALL about the questions. my friend Caro came up to me today and asked if I was going to buy a refrigerator when I moved? lol. she was very interested in where i planned on buying electronics in Paris. She also is giving me her limited edition versace phone as a going away. well more of a trade for my limited edition easel and paint supplies. and by "limited" i mean hardly used cause I have high hopes of being an artist that have never passed the level of "hope".

so fine, I'll deal. ask away, ask too much, ask nothing, i am open.

but i don't have more than half of these answers. MORE THAN HALF. I'm so tempted to draw a chart of how little i know about this move.

and funnily enough, i am going through my files, my almost 8 years of graphics and charts and pictures and crap i did whilst pretending to work and well, i am apparently VERY visual. Below are some of my choice diagrams found from over the years:

this is from the cafeteria incident where i got yelled at for getting mayo at the condinment area, illustrating how i was clearly giving this woman PLENTY of room to share the space:


this is when my friend Chichi was not emailing me enough



This is from when i was trying to explain to the post engagement "crush" where to meet me for the laser eye surgery. (recall: he said we were "just friends")




This was from when I was getting ready to fly to Brussels and I wanted to make sure my friend ChiChi could identify my body when the plane plummeted vertically to the earth killing everyone.


and this is one of my all time fav's. when my ex's sister had a baby, and my friends INSISTED on pics which, at the time, i didn't have so i had to make do with a rendition of what i saw when i visited her in the hospital.



theres just so many more...so so many.

I think I'll start tellin people I'm moving to Wisconsin

thoughts while staying awake

listening to crowded house's "whispers and moans" which reminded me of my new multi million dollar invention i invented this weekend at my friends party whilst half listening to my stupid guy friends discuss their porn activity (aka - being themselves).

the "iBrater"

its an attachment to my ipod nano which allows for maximum enjoyment pretty much at any time. Thats right Mr. Jobs! somebody get somebody important on the line....STAT!!!

i went scanning through my -prepare paris- online meet up groups and what not and found that there seems to be either 20 or 50 somethings. no 30 somethings. its very odd. where is this 30 something group? are they all married? or in the mob? why wont they surface? maybe Paris is like the midwest where you are married by 19 and on your third kid by 23. maybe I will be outcast for my american AND 30 somethinsingleness.

maybe im a big fool. so then i got on craigslist NEW YORK. i need a french person who lives here for a while, wants to learn english and will talk to me in VERY simple french. i didnt find anything but then i started thinking that maybe im absolutely no good at teaching english. i dont know my participles from my adverbs. i end almost every sentence in a preposition and i generally speak in fragments. and i dont think that is so bad either. but maybe i could use this to my advantage and thus teach very SIMPLE english to this frenchie. where is this frenchie! i really should be going to the FIAF for their "rendevous" but that situation scares me to death. i have serious fears....I was waiting for a movie to start when people were showing up to one about a month ago and well it was too much. it was like face lift convention. good for the old ladies, bad for me. cause im not talkin about my cute little jam making grandma from oregon, we are talking about gucci versus prada versus me being mistaken for the wait service. lord knows i'd probably start servin just to save embarrasment of my poor french.

haha

the good news is that i feel better. not soo freaked right now. maybe the dreams tonight will be good or better maybe they will STAY OUT. i did chicken out and not get the PM pills. but mostly cause everything was closed by the time i got home.

Chaos before the move

Lately I have had some trouble putting to words the insanity that my mind has conjured up regarding this giant move to Paris. And NOT the typical Anna Lisa insanity about all my silly observations about boys and people and what not. (notice i separate boys and people as they are not the same).

But it used to be that I would drift off about what life would be like if...

and now there certainly is no "what if" or just "if"....

everything is laid out before me.
And im standing facing it all

but see thats the thing, im standing there starring into this madness and I am PETRIFIED. I'm like a little petri dish thats connected to all kind of circuits and wires thats getting electro-zapped over and over causing little zappings to flow through my entire body.

I get these shocks mostly at nite (of course i hope my fellow readers realize that im not actually getting zapped, just using that as a way to describe anxiety) and in my dreams.

These damn dreams. Every stinkin nite I will dream about something that wreaks of anxiety. Being shot, knifed, running away from something, something i planned going terribly wrong, snakes and sharks eating me, you name it. Of course watching that HBO special about the war victims last night didnt exactly help me to dream pleasantly. lol

And so now, because I have reached the end of my rope, I'm going to purchase tylenol PM and give it a go. Despite the fact that i HATE taking pills. It may be the last hope.

God im SO SICK of explaining myself. I'm so sick of people not getting it. I'm impatient and annoyed. I need to be understoooooooodddddd. haha ok. too much drama? too much anna lisa? look away then...theres nothing to see here.

:):):):)

Demands

My friend ChiChi says "this is annalisa time, selfish time" and she's right. I have two months left here. I am totally self absorbed right now. I got overwhelmed last week and ended up with a sore throat. I had a boy who appeared in my life and I got stressed out. And its not that he was not a good boy but I dont have time for a boy. I have time for my people, my things, my self only.

Somehow, I have convinced myself that, upon leaving, my mind cannot leave any unresolved issues, albiet with boys, with friends, with anyone. I will invite my ex to my going away party so that we can say goodbye. I am even considering sending an old friend an email, even though I vowed not to speak to her, I think its an OCD thing...Must finish...must resolve... as if im getting ready to die or something. I could be gone one year and decide I am useless in France. But these are the things that I think about to keep away the living nightmare of fright that is picking up and moving alone to a foreign country with a language i do not speak. So boysssssss. STAY BACK!

I have little time left and its reserved for my favorites. I'm sorry but thats it. Thats how it has to be.

xoxox
aL

how sterile can you not be

Ok so I'm wrapping up my time here in the states which means I am taking care of business. This includes the dermatologist, the dentist, gyn the whole works. So i have to have this mole removed on my left boob and this happened today.

I'm not at all new to this procedure as, if you were ever to see me, you would see that my fair complextion is very friendly with skin cancer and the like. They are best friends actually. So sitting in the chair, gown on, and 1 of the two assistants comes in to set it up. I'm watching her lay out the setup. She has no gloves on. She opens each piece of equipment in the usual sterile fasion, only touching the edges of the wrapping and letting it drop down on the tray. Then after she drops each piece of equipment, she then takes her BARE hands and lines them all up. haha. so just to be clear, she completely touched each sterile piece of equipment with her bare hands thus removing any "sterile" properties they had.

I normally sit and do nothing but this time I asked the second assistant if she was "new". haha. my friend says that was ballsy. was it? I just thought maybe no one taught her properly. But the 2nd assistant said "she's off today, sorry".

No biggie, I love extra germs. Thanks for comin....

Poor bastards

You know how sometimes people say that, in this GIANT New York city, it is so easy to feel completely and utterly "alone"? Well, as of lately, I totally understand what those poor bastards feel like. Its TRUE. yes. me. with all my friends and all my imagination, I feel empty.

You know the empty like when your nephew takes a kitchen fork and attempts to hollow out a huge pumpkin but he ends up piercing that orange biotch into a million little indentions and carvings. sure it looks nice with the lit candle inside but he's left so much pumpkin residue that now its caught fire and you are lucky he didn't kill little suzy the pet tortoise who thought it was dinner.

Mostly I just sit around the apartment moving from space to space as if its a 4 bedroom duplex and pretend im in a completely different part of my studio even though I can literally reach with the length of one arm into the previously occupied space. I watch a lot of movies, go online in search of something i cant pinpoint exactly (a man? a new website on paris? an email from someone suprising? a new person to chat with?) and then when none of that comes true, i walk away, sleep, drink, strange part is, i never spend any time looking out the window. in fact, they are completely covered most of the time by my curtains. theres not a whole lot to look at honestly.

i told brian, at my local bar, tonight i was "bored". he always wants to know whats going on and i guess he expects me to come in and start telling him exciting stories but i kinda shocked him. he asked why and honestly, i felt like the music stopped and everyone got quiet for a moment. I had essentially no response. I rattled something about being in limbo but I didn't expect to have to fend for my declaration.

Anyway, I want to sign the papers, I want whats not real to be real. I need this clarification. It prolly wont change much accept maybe I'll sleep more. My dreams are getting out of control. I had the spider one again.

The im totally awake one. I woke up at 12:30 (thinking its more like 3:30) and I'd been to bed MAYBE 15 minutes, into some insane dream and i jumped up, looked back at my pillow and this time the spider was crawling over it. I could see it. I saw it. I swear. But after a moment, I looked and couldnt find it. Then of course I couldnt get back to sleep cause I feared the spider would be lingering around. This is the third spider dream.

or spider awakening. not sure what to call it. but its number three and im countin.

tonight i got a massage. 10 of the quickest moments in the history of the world. dammit. But it was sure nice to be touched by a strong handsome asian immigrant. He didn't do it tonight but he sure knows about massaging the head like nobodys business.

we are all out of crazy

ok ok. so im done with Americans in Paris. This latest email was the kicker. It was all I needed to close up shop. Yes, sure, it was entertaining for a while, but now its just plain boring and old. lol.

from a 57 year old japanese man:

I am interested in you very much; if can do it, want to associate seriously. It is that it is it to the life partner who spends the future life together after having repeated the exchange of the email in this way when I was able to really trust encounter, each other that I expect from you.
I recognize that we have a big age difference, but surely challenge it to have you forgive it. Can you have interest toward a Japanese man of the age like me? I am born and raised in Tokyo and I live in Tokyo now and work in the company of Tokyo. My work is left a distribution section to in a company handling an outfitting accessory in Tokyo and works as people in charge such as merchandise management and the management of the entrance and exit load. As for me, there is never yet the experience that married to appear; want to do it, and the child is not, too.

Hirohumi Ikeda

******************

and, again, what is MOST shocking here, is not his age or his trial version of english, but YES....he's being IN JAPAN and not at all an American and not at all in Paris. KILLS ME!

just kills me. i wont even show you his picture. i cant, its too mean.

Americans in Paris

Well this personals site has gone from ridiculous to full blown entertainment. I have now recieved 23 "smiles" from men that are, essentially, not american and no where near France. Two of them are in France actually but just to give you folks an idea, I am inserting a Pie Chart breakdown of their country of origin and I assure you, most of these men are the nationality of their country and in most cases, speak only the native language (not french). Haha. How they got on this site is totally beyond me. Am I missing something here?

And just to be completely and utterly nit picky. I am including another chart which breaks down their ages.

Average Age 36.9
Min 20
Max 58

Ok ok, so no ones 80 (as i said in a previous post) but it still boggles me who on earth these men are and why are they interested in someone whose on the other side of the earth. and I HAVE dated a total wacko 52 year old who acted more like a 12 year old.

Here is the raw data in case you are a statistician and need to see it:

man country age
adrian_baker200    england    43
murphy4GOD    china    28
enjoy26u    france    47
benlife    us    32
ranaimran    pakistan    29
dreamingmale    japan    58
iskalix    france    34
poco    japan    49
turtles    italy    39
sushi711    japan    33
jayishere    germany    41
rustymott    australia    40
orangevale    japan    37
nonokichi    japan    42
worldspy    us    37
mrdaviled    china    20
chan88    indonesia    40
sagamimi102901    japan    43
dolphinw    japan    44
yuki_060    china    27
yannyow    taiwan    27
brown22    japan    27
rmoazami    iran    32

So there you go. And in conclusion, I propose an entire rewrite of the Americans in Paris website and personals section. Please have your proposals ready by monday and fax 5 copies to 1-800-URNOTREAL

Prepping

Like any good woman about the leave her motherland, I have been researching life in Paris from A to Z. Somehow or other I came across this site www.americansinfrance.com and somehow or other I, curiously, clicked on the "personals" link and you will NEVER guess what i found. Its complete ridiculousness.

Firstly, I ASSUMED that it would be filled with billions of expat men of all ages looking for other american expats to hang with/chill/date/etc. but BOY was I dead wrong. Yes, there are lots of men, but maybe 10% actually live france, much less in Europe. These dudes live everywhere! and a MAJOR portion of them are white guys looking for asian women. And tons and TONS of asian men looking for white women. And like any good dating site, no one pays attention to your age range (my cap is at 40) and 80 year olds are writing me.

Well I was almost so fed up with the entire thing but then decided that, since im not gettin any and basically not dating at all, seeing how this unfolds will provide some entertainment for me and I have kept up my profile. Here is my latest favorite "email" from someone named Murphy4GOD:

Sender: murphy4God
Subject: hi pretty
Date Received: 2007/08/16 01:08
Hello sexy, you won't believe that i have been looking up your profile for more than minutes now, i have watched your photos over anbd over again, i could not take a step to another profile, i deemed it necessary to let you know that you caught my attentions, nothing would be more fufilling to me than to meet an Angel living in another part of this world like you, i could say more to describe you oustanding beauty, but that would mean flattering you with words, and that does not go down too well with me as i believe in actions to prove my worth..lol, i really would love to meet you.that is more important to me now.hope you reciprocate my mail.read from you soon.julian



And another email I recieved was signed "Love". I am wondering if Americans aren't so forward afterall. Maybe we are subdued compared to these outerwordly dudes. Or maybe I have stumbled on the worlds dumbest dating site. There's a guy in Baltimore who "smiled" at me the other day. A guy from Thailand the day before. I dont understand how these people ended up on Americans In France. They dont seem to have anything to do with France at all. It simply makes zero sense, which is, incidentally, what is also intriguing to me. So I pounce on, if anything, to have a good laugh.

Anyway, I'm getting prepared to make the transition to my new "Paris" blog. I will announce the site and get it all prepped once the contract is signed. Should be a in a week or so.

Stay tuned.

INez!

Decisions

Yesterday I smiled at a cute guy who was smoking on the steps while I was walking to burritoville. He was gone by the time I passed by again walking home.

That is the extent of my male relationships at this time. And for all the main reasons:

1. moving to france
2. no good men left
3. stopped caring

but of course the first reason is the most important. so now I sit here with a new email in my inbox which is the last and final proposal from france and they are over there awaiting decision. so I must make this decision. and that is honestly, what is on my mind lately.