Monday, August 27, 2007

how sterile can you not be

Ok so I'm wrapping up my time here in the states which means I am taking care of business. This includes the dermatologist, the dentist, gyn the whole works. So i have to have this mole removed on my left boob and this happened today.

I'm not at all new to this procedure as, if you were ever to see me, you would see that my fair complextion is very friendly with skin cancer and the like. They are best friends actually. So sitting in the chair, gown on, and 1 of the two assistants comes in to set it up. I'm watching her lay out the setup. She has no gloves on. She opens each piece of equipment in the usual sterile fasion, only touching the edges of the wrapping and letting it drop down on the tray. Then after she drops each piece of equipment, she then takes her BARE hands and lines them all up. haha. so just to be clear, she completely touched each sterile piece of equipment with her bare hands thus removing any "sterile" properties they had.

I normally sit and do nothing but this time I asked the second assistant if she was "new". haha. my friend says that was ballsy. was it? I just thought maybe no one taught her properly. But the 2nd assistant said "she's off today, sorry".

No biggie, I love extra germs. Thanks for comin....

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Poor bastards

You know how sometimes people say that, in this GIANT New York city, it is so easy to feel completely and utterly "alone"? Well, as of lately, I totally understand what those poor bastards feel like. Its TRUE. yes. me. with all my friends and all my imagination, I feel empty.

You know the empty like when your nephew takes a kitchen fork and attempts to hollow out a huge pumpkin but he ends up piercing that orange biotch into a million little indentions and carvings. sure it looks nice with the lit candle inside but he's left so much pumpkin residue that now its caught fire and you are lucky he didn't kill little suzy the pet tortoise who thought it was dinner.

Mostly I just sit around the apartment moving from space to space as if its a 4 bedroom duplex and pretend im in a completely different part of my studio even though I can literally reach with the length of one arm into the previously occupied space. I watch a lot of movies, go online in search of something i cant pinpoint exactly (a man? a new website on paris? an email from someone suprising? a new person to chat with?) and then when none of that comes true, i walk away, sleep, drink, strange part is, i never spend any time looking out the window. in fact, they are completely covered most of the time by my curtains. theres not a whole lot to look at honestly.

i told brian, at my local bar, tonight i was "bored". he always wants to know whats going on and i guess he expects me to come in and start telling him exciting stories but i kinda shocked him. he asked why and honestly, i felt like the music stopped and everyone got quiet for a moment. I had essentially no response. I rattled something about being in limbo but I didn't expect to have to fend for my declaration.

Anyway, I want to sign the papers, I want whats not real to be real. I need this clarification. It prolly wont change much accept maybe I'll sleep more. My dreams are getting out of control. I had the spider one again.

The im totally awake one. I woke up at 12:30 (thinking its more like 3:30) and I'd been to bed MAYBE 15 minutes, into some insane dream and i jumped up, looked back at my pillow and this time the spider was crawling over it. I could see it. I saw it. I swear. But after a moment, I looked and couldnt find it. Then of course I couldnt get back to sleep cause I feared the spider would be lingering around. This is the third spider dream.

or spider awakening. not sure what to call it. but its number three and im countin.

tonight i got a massage. 10 of the quickest moments in the history of the world. dammit. But it was sure nice to be touched by a strong handsome asian immigrant. He didn't do it tonight but he sure knows about massaging the head like nobodys business.

Monday, August 20, 2007

we are all out of crazy

ok ok. so im done with Americans in Paris. This latest email was the kicker. It was all I needed to close up shop. Yes, sure, it was entertaining for a while, but now its just plain boring and old. lol.

from a 57 year old japanese man:

I am interested in you very much; if can do it, want to associate seriously. It is that it is it to the life partner who spends the future life together after having repeated the exchange of the email in this way when I was able to really trust encounter, each other that I expect from you.
I recognize that we have a big age difference, but surely challenge it to have you forgive it. Can you have interest toward a Japanese man of the age like me? I am born and raised in Tokyo and I live in Tokyo now and work in the company of Tokyo. My work is left a distribution section to in a company handling an outfitting accessory in Tokyo and works as people in charge such as merchandise management and the management of the entrance and exit load. As for me, there is never yet the experience that married to appear; want to do it, and the child is not, too.

Hirohumi Ikeda

******************

and, again, what is MOST shocking here, is not his age or his trial version of english, but YES....he's being IN JAPAN and not at all an American and not at all in Paris. KILLS ME!

just kills me. i wont even show you his picture. i cant, its too mean.

Friday, August 17, 2007

Americans in Paris

Well this personals site has gone from ridiculous to full blown entertainment. I have now recieved 23 "smiles" from men that are, essentially, not american and no where near France. Two of them are in France actually but just to give you folks an idea, I am inserting a Pie Chart breakdown of their country of origin and I assure you, most of these men are the nationality of their country and in most cases, speak only the native language (not french). Haha. How they got on this site is totally beyond me. Am I missing something here?





And just to be completely and utterly nit picky. I am including another chart which breaks down their ages.

Average Age 36.9
Min 20
Max 58

Ok ok, so no ones 80 (as i said in a previous post) but it still boggles me who on earth these men are and why are they interested in someone whose on the other side of the earth. and I HAVE dated a total wacko 52 year old who acted more like a 12 year old.

Here is the raw data in case you are a statistician and need to see it:

man country age
adrian_baker200    england    43
murphy4GOD    china    28
enjoy26u    france    47
benlife    us    32
ranaimran    pakistan    29
dreamingmale    japan    58
iskalix    france    34
poco    japan    49
turtles    italy    39
sushi711    japan    33
jayishere    germany    41
rustymott    australia    40
orangevale    japan    37
nonokichi    japan    42
worldspy    us    37
mrdaviled    china    20
chan88    indonesia    40
sagamimi102901    japan    43
dolphinw    japan    44
yuki_060    china    27
yannyow    taiwan    27
brown22    japan    27
rmoazami    iran    32

So there you go. And in conclusion, I propose an entire rewrite of the Americans in Paris website and personals section. Please have your proposals ready by monday and fax 5 copies to 1-800-URNOTREAL

Thursday, August 16, 2007

Prepping

Like any good woman about the leave her motherland, I have been researching life in Paris from A to Z. Somehow or other I came across this site www.americansinfrance.com and somehow or other I, curiously, clicked on the "personals" link and you will NEVER guess what i found. Its complete ridiculousness.

Firstly, I ASSUMED that it would be filled with billions of expat men of all ages looking for other american expats to hang with/chill/date/etc. but BOY was I dead wrong. Yes, there are lots of men, but maybe 10% actually live france, much less in Europe. These dudes live everywhere! and a MAJOR portion of them are white guys looking for asian women. And tons and TONS of asian men looking for white women. And like any good dating site, no one pays attention to your age range (my cap is at 40) and 80 year olds are writing me.

Well I was almost so fed up with the entire thing but then decided that, since im not gettin any and basically not dating at all, seeing how this unfolds will provide some entertainment for me and I have kept up my profile. Here is my latest favorite "email" from someone named Murphy4GOD:

Sender: murphy4God
Subject: hi pretty
Date Received: 2007/08/16 01:08
Hello sexy, you won't believe that i have been looking up your profile for more than minutes now, i have watched your photos over anbd over again, i could not take a step to another profile, i deemed it necessary to let you know that you caught my attentions, nothing would be more fufilling to me than to meet an Angel living in another part of this world like you, i could say more to describe you oustanding beauty, but that would mean flattering you with words, and that does not go down too well with me as i believe in actions to prove my worth..lol, i really would love to meet you.that is more important to me now.hope you reciprocate my mail.read from you soon.julian



And another email I recieved was signed "Love". I am wondering if Americans aren't so forward afterall. Maybe we are subdued compared to these outerwordly dudes. Or maybe I have stumbled on the worlds dumbest dating site. There's a guy in Baltimore who "smiled" at me the other day. A guy from Thailand the day before. I dont understand how these people ended up on Americans In France. They dont seem to have anything to do with France at all. It simply makes zero sense, which is, incidentally, what is also intriguing to me. So I pounce on, if anything, to have a good laugh.

Anyway, I'm getting prepared to make the transition to my new "Paris" blog. I will announce the site and get it all prepped once the contract is signed. Should be a in a week or so.

Stay tuned.

INez!

Monday, August 13, 2007

Decisions

Yesterday I smiled at a cute guy who was smoking on the steps while I was walking to burritoville. He was gone by the time I passed by again walking home.

That is the extent of my male relationships at this time. And for all the main reasons:

1. moving to france
2. no good men left
3. stopped caring

but of course the first reason is the most important. so now I sit here with a new email in my inbox which is the last and final proposal from france and they are over there awaiting decision. so I must make this decision. and that is honestly, what is on my mind lately.