hostile

when you dont want to go home to an empty apartment you tend to find the nearest bar. some asshole head grabbed me with chin and forehead. i pulled myself out of it and sat down at this table (accidentally) with his asshole friend.

he started on about his dad and how powerful/rich he was....


you see, in life in subways in my head im very outspoken, with men, im not. but i looked this asshole right in the eyes and said very clearly

"i dont give a fuck what your father does and if you ask me where im from one more time im gonna take that beer and smash it over your head"

haha. i REALLY said this. you know what his asshole response was....

"i think i could marry you right now"

i finished my wine like it was a tequila shot and walked out the door as fast as possible.

fucking waste of my life.
waste of my life.
waste
pure crap
in a
bucket

Not really a dating post but....

A blog friend Goncalo has requested I try this sentence finishing exercise and honestly I'm so anxious to receive a response from the Russian that I need a good distraction so I'm going to do it.....and here it goes:

Finish The Sentences...

1. I've come to realize that my ex... is possibly still interested as he claims to look for me on the NY streets of millions. Of course I look for people to. Sometimes this city is so small.

2. I am listening to...a song by Noir Desir from a link on Goncalo's page .

3. I talk...to my mascara when sometimes my depth perception is off and I stab myself in the eye.

4. I love... peanut butter so much it hurts.

5. My best friends... are a VERY select group of people who I cannot live without.

7. I lost...#6 somewhere, as we have just jumped from 5 to 7.

8. I hate it when people...don't get me. that includes walking slow in front of me and not laughing at my jokes and even not understanding my constant need for activity.

9. Love is...something I dream about but have yet to find. I'm currently looking in Russia. ;)

10. Marriage is...possibly a sick joke but I suppose I will do it someday.

11. Somewhere, someone is thinking...that there must be a way to move Westchester closer to the city. I have access to a crane. perhaps that is the answer.

12. I'll always be...more energetic than you.

13. I have a crush on...clearly all of Russia. :)


14. The last time I cried was because...on Saturday I watched a group of kids sing Oh Come All Ye Faithful. I couldn't help it.

15. My cell phone...is flat and querty and lets me text the Russian.

16. When I wake up in the morning...I stare around my room for a while to make sure my vision is still intact. lol (a fear I will wake up blind from the lasik eye surgery over the summer)


17. Before I go to sleep at night...I like to think of something funny or good so I wont have nightmares. Ps, this did not work last night as Jaws ate two of my brothers and was going after me with no thanks to my parents who were not good at killing him.

18. Right now I am thinking about...checking my hotmail inbox again for the billionth time this morning in anticipation for the Russians response. so hard to resist...i must walk away from the computer..

19. Babies are...round in the head, fat in the belly and cute.

20. I get on myspace... by mistake. (this is what goncalo said and its exactly how I feel too!!!)

21. Today I...will take about 10 deep breaths and eat a turkey burger for lunch and and leave early if I'm lucky.

22. Tonight I will...try to upload pics into this totally awesome photosynth software by microsoft.

23. Tomorrow I will...hopefully be alive.

24. I really want...a date with the Russian on wed!!!!!

25. The person who is most likely to repost this is...No one. haha. sorry but the blog audience is just too small.
POSTED BY ANNALISA AT 11:16 AM

THE SWITCH

Ok So with careful supervision I am this morning attempting the switch. The Bad Kisser (BK), as you know, has attempted to make a plan with me 3 days post the date we had which, in that time, I was convinced that he was disinterested and also gave me two dates with the Russian. But during the initial date I was having fun, dont get me wrong but honestly thinking of my best friend K the entire time thinking all that he is saying would totally interest her and well in the back of my mind I thought they'd be perfect for eachother.

So I responded to the BK:

BK Hi,
Wow. uh, listen I honestly didnt think you were interested. And actually I have gone on another date with a guy I saw once before we met. The truth is, I dont know what will happen but I think its going well and would like to pursue it. I really did enjoy our date though and if you dont think this is entirely crazy, I have this fabulous friend K who I think would totally hit it off with you. Would you be willing to meet? I could send you her picture and fill you in if you want.

:) Inez

Now to make things crazier, I Bcc'd friend K on this email. Haha. And I have never mentioned any of this to her. Well my ideas. She never has time to read this blog so she has heard from me he's a bad Kisser but doesnt know all that I said about him. Actually, I talked to my friends about this bad kissing and how that could be an "action item" in the scope of the switch I'm performing here. One friend said that what I think is good kissing she may not. So honestly, its totally perspective. And the thing is, I have never kissed friend K so I have no idea what she considers good kissing or bad for that matter.

I quickly emailed her after with a qualifier and I'm sure I will be receiving a phone call from her soon asking me what kind of crazy shit I'm trying to pull. Chances are, she wont even agree to do it even if BK does.

But its fun all the same!!!
haha

patterns

Ok im back. when my friends told me they would meet people who were COMPLETELY differnt from their pics/profile, well i hadn't experienced that

UNTIL TONIGHT.

im waiting at the subway and this totally short wild salt and pepper haired guy walks up with a big smile. He totally recognized me, yes, cause I AM my profile. its me me me. theres no variation. but i was shocked to see him. we walked, we talked. he made a good first impression but I pressed on.

After careful consideration and one total evening I have concluded that this is the jewish version of the FRENCH FUCKING NERVE!! and I'm NOT going there again. I just cant. this guy is trying to get his life together but is struggling. I give him props for trying but i dont give him props for asking to SHARE a fucking glass of wine. He asked and I denied him this money saving tactic.

I said we will each get one and I didnt AT ALL feel bad about this. I'm DONE with this crap. I'm in a career, im confident, I'm stable for christs sake. I just cant deal with the opposite of that. He asked me why I was with the ex for so long, well he provided this stability and I didnt have to split any wine with him. Ok so that wasn't enough and well, THATS where the passion stopped for us. but I need that. I just do.

I'm not in a position to hold the weight in the relationship. I'm working three jobs and just having fun.

I kissed him though. He asked if he could and I let him and he said he would be in touch but I just didn't feel it. I didn't feel much of anything.

He was cute though. But too short and I NEED to be tall. TALL people. I have hunched over for 6 fucking years and I wont do it anymore.

I noticed myself doing it when we kissed and its wrong. He put his hands on my ass. Damnit.

Ok now its time to party. I'm meeting the best friend and we are going out on the town. YES!!

sweating

again. Its like my body is seriously just PISSED off at me. I sweat and sweat and cant stop. Is there some cosmic reason I'm sitting here completely ready for my 4pm date at 2:28pm. haha. I thought about what I could do up until...

i drew a man with his head down
i listened to two old albums
i turned on and off my old laptop
i watched an apple web seminar on medical imaging
i ate an apple
i bought crazy glue at duane reade
i sat and starred out the window

then that was it....that was when i just had to shower and get ready. and i had to go downstairs to get the doorman to button the back of my blouse. they are always so helpful. i decided if this guy is exactly the height he put in his profile i will be 1 inch taller than him on site. the boots are 3 inches and im totally wearing them, i dont even care.

(STILL FUCKING SWEATING>>>>>)

i am so hopeful right now.
hoping he thinks im pretty
hoping he thinks im funny
hoping he's funny
hoping he's sarcastic
and smart
and god dammit not a pothead.

breathe breathe breathe

the date is already over

Tonight was a lesson in "chemistry" of which there was none. I sat across from this guy, who was perfectly nice. He had a bad day which he started with. Fine. everyone does. I wish I could help. But then came the football and the beer and the pot smoking which he may or may not still do but either way, it WREAKED of the ex. I just dont like those things. And

FINE

you can Love football, LOVE pot, LOVE beer, FINE, but please men, MAKE UP FOR IT in other ways. Be a writer, a lunatic. But this guy was perfectly easy and nice. Perfectly just "ok". I told him stories, he listened. He responded but it was in the way he responded that bugged me.

Ok ok. so heres the question. Do i give this man another chance? I called for the check. I felt dizzy from the wine but I had no desire to kiss him. Is that the "no chemistry" talking or is it something else. Should I just move on or try to find something in him?

We split the bill
He hates sushi
He is a patriots fan
He laughed at my jokes
He seems nice
but

i dont feel it.

so ok, he said he would call. What do I do?

45 min before date

Sweating PROFUSELY!!

Nose JUST started bleeding.

Dry SKIN on nose makes me look like a coke head.

Stomach crawling!!


jesus lets the elephants fall! LET THEM FALL ON THE JITNEY!!
(im taking the jitney downtown to meet him)

Lonely

yesterday I sat at the airport in Chicago for almost 5 hours alone. Just waiting. My eyes kept looking around at all the men. They were everywhere and what made me feel lonely was what happened a few nights before.

I was at this conference and met up with these cute Slovenian guys. One of which I fooled around with back at my hotel room. We did not have sex but came pretty close. So I longed for affection and I got it. And the next day when I saw him again at the conference I guess I just figured out really how men seem to work. He said "maybe I'll see you around"

Ok I'm not stupid. I know exactly what that meant. And even in the moment I was able to play it very cool and smile and walk away pleasantly. It was later at the airport coming home that I spent too much time reflecting my behavior. Some clearly non-qualified waitress made me the worst latte ever and i thought I could sit at this restaurant looking all cute and single while drinking it but it was so bad....(i digress) I don't regret fooling around. He's probably a very nice guy but I guess I was just shocked that he was able to remove himself from anything that happened between us so quickly. I know this is nothing new to the world. We all have these stories but I am now experiencing these things first hand and well its lonely. And getting lonelier by the second.

So then I started thinking about this other friend that I fooled around with last week. I wonder if he feels the same way. Like before I left for the conference I saw him briefly and said we should "hang out" when I get back because I thought it would be fun to have more fun together. But now I'm wondering if he just handed me a courtesy response and now that we've fooled around he's maybe just done with me.

So the question is...what is this doing for me. Am I becoming a slut or is this how people "play the field"? Sew their oats...I think as time goes by its getting easier. But I still go home and long to find someone to be with. The affection though is nice. Really nice when you get it but it doesn't last.