behind the scenes

When my friend adamantly denied me from blogging about her relationship, I asked her then what am I supposed to blog about?...she said "Paris you fool!" (I added the fool part but I know she was thinking that). and I guess that got me thinking that as I mentally prepare myself for this, I don't really talk about it much do I.

***BUT I ASSURE YOU READERS, I THINK ABOUT IT ALL THE TIME*****


like today at 3:30pm on the way up the west side as I passed the crazy silver string bikini grandma who does ballet and tonight when I was watching the worst episode of greys anatomy ever...I thought, goodbye good television, goodbye stupid lady, I rode down the path (on skates) against the wind thinking of all the things I will be saying goodbye to. A friend recently said to me I would like living in Paris but I probably wont stay long at all. And he hardly knows me. We were friends back in Georgia but its been years. I wondered if he was just super intuitive and is basing that prediction on who I used to be or who I have become now (our current friendships exists soley online chatting). It wasn't supposed to bother me but it did.

I am scared about this move, YES. And I go through moments where I am so fucking scared, I cannot breathe. Then there are these incredible moments like earlier tonight when I was making my bed and thinking how excited I am for that moment when I say my first French sentence that a French person actually understands! And I get all googly. Incidentally I was also thinking that Google (the company) gets a LOT of play from me (several times per HOUR of each and every day) so perhaps the day I move, they could decorate their google logo in true FrancoAmericanoAnnaLisa!

Of course I also spend a bit of time, of course, dealing with the fact that this is not really happening to me and my flight to Paris will certainly end mid-ocean and plummet vertically to my ultimate death!. haha.

But the deal is, this is ALL about moving away from your comfort zone. The little things that you need to remind you that you are ok. For me, right now, its not a person, but its the island I live on, the familiar pier I spend every sunset on, the slimey man at the deli who makes my iced coffee just perfect, even the shoe maker (Manny) who I just met last week is my new best friend. I know these are all things I can get certainly (over time) in Paris but they are familiar and comfortable and I love them.

The little 8 year old on Kid Nation said "I'm just too young for this I think" and left the show. I feel like the 15 year old who is completely comfortable on their own. I'm at the right age I think. I just dont want to sit around telling myself all this shit to "justify" this move. I get a slice of enjoyment telling people "Why not?" when they continually ask me "Why are you moving to Paris?". I don't really need a reason like a kid needs a reason to leave their school desk. I can just do whatever I want. And likewise, I will be responsible for my decisions no matter how they turn out.

In my mind, moving to Paris at 33 is LESS of a gamble than laying down $100 bucks on a roulette table. Its true.

I think this is stage 4 which I like to call "getting hungry". I placed the order hours ago, where is my FOOD!!!