Opening Lines

Long before the wedding happened I reviewed in my head who was a potential man for me. And the truth is, Hoboken was in the running. I knew he was single and I remembered the talk we had out in Southampton one weekend which was nice and he seemed sweet. In my head, he was definitely a potential. I didn't build it up but I was excited and nervous to see him. In fact, the first night I got REALLY nervous for some reason and I wasn't sure why I was so nervous. Anyway, we briefly talked at the actual rehearsal. Sat together at the dinner and engaged in group conversation about poop and how much you would have to be paid to eat 3 poops.

but when we got to the hotel bar later and it was a moment for him to talk to just me, what was his first line (are you even ready?):

"So which girl in here would you sleep with?"

and suddenly, I felt ill. I felt like a brick had just fallen from the sky and pierced my head first and then jammed into my gut. I immediately changed my brain from "potential" to "maybe he's a good kisser" and then later in the evening to "I've got to get out of here"

It only took that one line to completely reverse me. Sure I humored him and answered and we talked more and then went to this god awful club at the other end of the hotel and started dancing (which I thought would at least sober me up). He bought me a damn shot which I couldn't even drink. We did end up kissing and at this point good kissing is well, lip mutilation. I mean the last three guys I've kissed during this dating phase have all been excellent kissers. But the next day my lips are almost completely skin less. Good kissers just suck the hell out of you. But in this good way, I don't know how to describe it really I mean I have dry skin already but this Hoboken guy actually BRUISED my lip. Which I noticed in Bloomingdales the next day when I was getting my make up done. And three other witnesses saw the bruise (once I pointed it out to them) but it was there. He also lifted my hair and bit the back of my neck sort of raw like. It was nice but I was still sick and needed to leave.

So the other guy from the wedding, he opens with "anything worth looking at down there" as I leaned on the balcony staring at Chelsea and the Hudson river. It was a good one and I indulged him and we chatted. I knew about him already. The rumor by many at the party was that he was currently getting divorced and it was messy. He told me he was already divorced. He was an actor teacher and

I was just somewhere else the whole time. I told him I was broken (I mentioned that before) I felt like the more open I was with him, the more engaged he seemed. I decided that I can potentially make a damn good impression on people when they first meet me. Even when I'm broken. I think my personality is well developed and while I'm not generally censored as much as I should be, I feel like I can pick up on people's behaviors and alter my conversation to fit theirs. It sometimes leaves me feeling identity-less. But I guess that's ok. I mean I know who I am. I have always known who I am. And I'm very open with people which I think makes them feel loved or good or warm or something. It also makes me less mysterious but I also sometimes know when mystery is good too.

Like with this new nerve guy. I have been thinking about him ever since our last date. I have actually thought so much about him I have excited myself. Haha. But I haven't called him or emailed him or anything because I think as excited as I am, he is 100x's that and I just know this cause of the way he looked at me and the things he said to me. I know he's too involved already and I have to find a way to stop that. Because I AM still broken and as much as I want someone to love me THAT much, I know that I'm not ready for it. And he doesn't even know me well enough and I don't know him well enough.

But here's what I thought about. His opening line. And then I remembered Hoboken pointed out this totally nasty bridge and tunnel girl to me that he wanted to approach and he asked me what should be his opening line. It took me a minute to dissolve the fact that he was interested in such a complete slut (not kidding, you should have seen this girl - sorry to judge but I have friends who would vouch for me) and that he was actually concerned about what to say to such a girl. But then I thought of it. It was the same line that the new French nerve fed me which was as perfect as it gets and I turned to Hoboken and said

"I've got it. Ready?"

"Hi"

And with that. I smiled. I thought of the rest of the night with French. The stories we told each other, the way he looked at me, the way he spoke about his life and his friends and his family. The way after our kiss, he looked at me and said it again "Hi" and I melted. In certain moments like those, I feel like everything is ok and I think its ok to feel that way.

I'm seeing him again tomorrow night.