Poetic Anatomy

I am reading this book about this woman whose probably mid 30's. She's just divorced and traveling around. In the book she's now in India at this Ashram studying her poetic anatomy. Her friend coined the term but I like it. She's trying to find some experience with her body that will bring her closer to something...like God for example.

She thinks this will help her stabilize her monsoon thoughts that kill her mostly.
So I have ALWAYS been a big disbeliever in any type of calming thought process that relaxes me (ie. meditation). I have been against it. I hate breathing like that. Or I used to hate breathing like that. But now I wonder if theres something to that. I mean all summer long I took nice long deep breaths whenever my body would remember what was going on. It was this secret little way for me to relax. But in the book and the real meditation process they include these mantras. and i flat out REFUSE to say a mantra over and over. Unless its something I came upwith. but usually when im breathing my mind is dead, or cleared and i cant form words or mantras. i hate mantras.

I know most of my friends think I'm like a constant fucking worrier, someone who cannot relax at all. But truly, I can relax. I did relax. I'm a great relaxer. You should have seen me with this guy on the trip. We had like 30 seconds to catch a train on the other side of town and I sat there worrying that I wouldn't get to finish my wine and dinner. Not about missing the train.

Hell, I WANTED to be stuck in Paris for the night. Even if it meant he wouldn't make his flight. I wanted him to be stuck with me. I didn't tell him this and he made his flight just barely.

And so this week has been a practice in relaxing for me. I cannot turn on the tv right now. I want to read. I have been trying to finish this book I got from a friend so I could give it back to her tonight but I start to read and then relax so much that I fall asleep. I cant seem to get through the book fast enough. Plus this meditation part isn't as exciting to me as the part about her time in Italy meeting people and eating everything.

But she is an amazing writer and I like how she sees things. And articulates things. I wonder how many edits her book went through.