Likely against my better judgment, I just feel like blogging. I haven't been dating but not shockingly, there is always some crap with men going on. The last guy I was seeing fizzled out. And again, without any type of explanation.
I have wasted time wondering why, making assumptions, all that. And for what? I dont feel any better now. I have no resolution. I feel angry most of the time but I also hope it will pass.
Post him, I decided to take a very long break. I haven't been feeling well and I just dont think its a good idea to date anyone. I did, however, start talking with what I hoped would be a friend in this chat room online (not a dating site). I was there becaues I was depressed and hoped to talk it out with someone else. I guess we sort of enjoyed chatting with eachother. But soon after our chats, he made it clear that he was looking for someone, not just a friend, but more. I made it clear I was not. And then for some reason, we kept chatting. Mainly cause I enjoyed it and I guess so did he.
On some level I thought he understood I wanted to be just friends but based on his wanting to know what I looked like and what color my eyes were and all that physical stuff, I realized that he was hoping for more than friends. And maybe he thought i was as well. The problem was, I was selfish. I kept talkin to him because it made me feel better to have this friend (be it: virtual). I even indulged him on his physical questions for fear he would stop talking to me if I didnt.
This was my mistake. And it confused him of course.
So when he wanted to finally meet up in person, I declined and he was even more confused. We stopped talking on sunday.
The main thing I've noticed about myself is that in order to stop thinking about one guy I replaced him with another. I didn't intentially do this but I noticed talkin to the guy online did distract me from thinking about the other guy.
And I didn't intentionally mean to confuse or upset the online guy. I have got to stop talking to guys in general. I just need a break from men altogether until I can sort myself out.
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2 comments:
I used to work like that. When I knew the realtionship was fizzling with one guy I would basically be lining up the next guy to take his place. Then I would just slowly stop returning calls etc. and they would finally get it.
I think I did this so that I wouldn't be and feel alone. Now that I'm dating again I am trying not to fall into the same habits.
like your blog
It's really hard isn't it ? I think it's quite normal to want to be special to someone, it's a really lovely feeling when someone cares about you. When you're single all around you you see what you perceive to be happy loved up couples, but you never know what's really going on,how many of them are truly happy ?
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