sunday

Ive been thinking alot about my "tag line" on nerve.com

It says "Will look you in the eyes"

I cant look people in the eyes right now. And I remember what I meant by that. Cause there is a certain amount of honesty and integrity in a person when they can look right at you. Not just during sex but in all aspects of life together. Telling a story, standing in line. And its not some deep profound crap about seeing into someones soul, its just being fucking...

REAL.

just letting people know the real me. After the ex break up, I walked around for a while with my head down. I didn't like me and I wasn't prepared to let anyone else like or not like me either. FN never really saw out of his eyes. He may have looked at me but he wouldn't let me look at him. His life was not ready for people to look at him.

I took my friends advice today and wandered around alone. I decided to finally see the bodies exhibit (which by the way was not great. would it KILL them to show the aortic arteries!! JEESH) at the seaport. I was tempted to get a headset so I wouldn't have to listen to anyone. I didn't look up from reading anything. I pretended I was alone. On the way in I glanced at the cute guy at the top of the escalator but not long enough to let him see me. There might not be any great places left to meet guys. I am cold about getting back on nerve but while I walk around with my head down, truth is, all I see is empty streets with the occasional couple walking their dogs and babies.

So far I haven't had much luck with online dating. Are the single people left in this city only virtual bodies with eyes that can't see through the screen? Are we so scared of our own real lives that we make up new ones on the internet just to meet people?

Sundays not over yet and I dont know about you but my tummy is sure in the mood for a sundae! :)