almost there

Even just thinking of writing this makes my stomach turn. I'm so close. I have too much in my head. I cant really think straight. I answer the phone "radiology", i picked up my candle thinking it was my coffee and almost drank the fire. Today I was in a coma just not doing anything. I slept maybe too much. I ran only a few errands. the UPS woman hated me cause i simply could not understand the words coming out of her mouth. I made her repeat them three times.

So whats been going on? Well im glad you asked. The events have topped the top of events in the history of my life. Random acts of kindness filled my entire being so full that last saturday it all flooded out of my eyes in the form of complete denial. I cried at the temporary loss of my beautiful canon when in fact, it was the madness of this move. the madness of my beautiful friends throwing parties, buying insanely generous euros and tickets, reaching out, hugging, organizing, writing, it was too much. And so, I couldnt deal with that, instead, the camera missing seemed an easy ploy and, while it made me look completely insane, it was MUCH easier to cry about then what I really was crying about.

Of course these geniuses I surround myself with could see RIGHT through me! I was no match...


Ok, so I got it all out. Followed by a trip home with the folks. I sat in the back of my mom's pastel class and marveled in amazement at her ability to connect with people and teach them. How they all were so at ease and free to express. I couldnt draw a stroke. But she should be my teacher of life! I wish I could take her class on "How to deal with moving across the pond". Of course, she's way too expensive for me. even with the family discount.

So now its friday. I leave tomorrow. I bit my lip about 4 times last night during the chocolate cake bonanza that was brought on by suprise via friend pagosa! It just never ends. the end is not even within sight.

By the way, this doesnt explain why I was up last night stressed out about why one particular friend is losing his sight of whats important. Why later when I did fall asleep my boss was giving me a gynecology exam in a red carpet gown and why I flew all around in and above a small man who was running from the murder he just committed which i saw and then why he turned into a dragon fly and freaked me out and made me fly into a giant color.

which brings us to the switch. im switching to the new site now. this second. so if you are ready for paris and ready for me in paris and ready for perhaps more and more not normal then follow me there.

bon voyage

I feel a nite of restless sleep coming on. I'm a
desert
a monkey
a vacumn
a kiss
a hug
a smug
a breeze
a bike
Eve's idea was to get a shirt that says "you are all whores"
it made sense if the shirt was more clear
but i agreed anyway
the most heartfelt line out of miss eve was when she lovingly said i was no different than the love she felt for preserved meat.

and now we have sunday

take it easy

Whoa, you need to calm down! It is NOT that big of a deal. I think its time to sit down and really just chill. Listen, it aint that bad, seriously, you will be FINE. You just need to relax and take a deep breathe and think about what a great thing you are doing.

There are so many risks out there just WAITING to be taken. They are lonely, sad risks with no one to talk to and think about. Some risks just show up one day and stand across from you and grow and grow and get disguised and the are lit up and protect you and even try to kill you but if you aren't careful, one day you will wake up and that big risk is gone.

You have to realize that you get ONE chance, ONE life, ONE moment to face everything at once. Dude, this is YOUR time. Your chance.

DO IT....Just DOOO IT.
damnit, or i will kill you.