Not too long ago I moved into this building possibly in search of some new life that didn't even vaguely represent the one I let go of. What made the move so easy for me had a lot to do with the building sitting in what I consider the most beautiful part of Manhattan. And amazingly, despite all the evidence Manhattan has to offer on how life can change so quickly right in front of us, I didn't really learn this lesson until my engagement ended.
And since I cannot seem to face anything without a trace of sarcasm, I turned this quazzy theoretical philosophy into its most literal form and saw my death at each and every turn. And shortly after moving in, the crane appeared. This crane spent each and every morning attempting to kill me by hovering various objects of gigantic strength and size over my head in its effort to build the super modern complex known as the beaver house. As the crane continued its effort every day to build this monster sized tower, I continued becoming quite attached to it. The crane came alive every morning and fell asleep every nite. It went through changes, first it was wrapped in the advertisments of the building in the hottest months of the summer causing the poor thing to sweat profusely and have to flash the dreaded bastard beaver in hopes of claiming new tenants upon its completion.
A letter to the beaver board president did nothing to remove the wrap. Not even for my crane party which, despite the wrap, was a great success.
Then the lights that lit up the great crane were taken away leaving nothing but mad giant darkness.
As the building went up, the crane was given the gift of height. I will never forget that day as a differently shaped crane made a guest appearance taking up the entire 5 way intersection just to help with the gift.
Sure, I went around the city viewing other cranes, I even made a map of the active cranes, Hell, even the cranes in Brussels looked interesting but the truth is, this crane was the only crane in my radar that made sense. This crane spoke a language only I could understand.
At 3am on Saturday morning, the guest appearance crane returned and started working. As I made my way to the deli below, seeing it was a thrill as I knew the top of this beaver house still had so much work to complete. They could only be adding even more height to my crane. There was tons of noise but I had trouble viewing the progress mainly cause my windows are so dirty I can hardly see out. So the morning became a project cleaning the windows for my perfect crane view.
At lunch, I schlepped down for a tuna melt and a tired construction worker walked in.
Me: "How tall will the crane be after they are done?"
Construction worker: "What? No, they are taking it down."
Juan found me outside staring up at the crane when he brought me my tuna melt. I had completely forgotten I ordered it. All I could do was stare. All I could do really was think that its ok for the crane to leave cause I'm leaving. Maybe this is lifes way of telling me what I already knew about how life can change at any moment. So there you have it, the book of crane has opened and is now closed.
So I'm gonna update my map.
Goodbye friend.
Sunday, October 28, 2007
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
What to do when your friends are ignoring you
Hold a fake meeting about them and then send the "accused" friend the minutes of the meeting. Now this particular friend claims to have ruptured his ACL and claimed to have surgery. He also claimed he would move to Paris with me and was goin to stay with me post surgery but he has failed on all accounts thus far and for that he will die:
Agenda
Attendees: Inez Cavavos, Marshal Mathers, Marshall, Diego, Hair, Dr. Gollub, The chick from Costa Rica, Su-Jiang from the back rub place and Caro (who took the minutes).
Caterers - Jean-Georges and Wolfgang
9-9:05pm - Introductions
9:05-9:15 - Review of Abe's misbehavior
9:15-9:20 - Review of detention centers for Abe
9:20-9:25 - snack break
9:25-9:36 - Video of Abe's abuse caught on tape
9:36-9:40 - Closing statements
Minutes: Abe's behavior unacceptable for very long time. Doesn’t answer cell phone calls, reaches out for help then declines any help offered, complete and utter abandonment of friends and false claims of depression and suicidal threats. Selfish and unruley mistreatment of flesh lite and other inanimate objects like pediatricians and tangerine smoothies. Recommend 9-14 years of "friend camp" in northern montana run by two shellfish and a small minor named "hiccup". Video clearly shows Abe not calling back Inez A. Cavavos and ignoring her forever until she is dead on a log in the east river of nowhere. Not too mention in this video Abe is watching a video of Inez weeping hysterically alone crying out for help. His laughter is unacceptable.
Signed - Terribly hurt nurse Cavavos
Some people respond well to sarcasm, Abe is one of these people. So I'm expecting a big ole hug from him any moment. Even if its awkwards cause he's "supposedly" on crutches. Hmph!!
Agenda
Attendees: Inez Cavavos, Marshal Mathers, Marshall, Diego, Hair, Dr. Gollub, The chick from Costa Rica, Su-Jiang from the back rub place and Caro (who took the minutes).
Caterers - Jean-Georges and Wolfgang
9-9:05pm - Introductions
9:05-9:15 - Review of Abe's misbehavior
9:15-9:20 - Review of detention centers for Abe
9:20-9:25 - snack break
9:25-9:36 - Video of Abe's abuse caught on tape
9:36-9:40 - Closing statements
Minutes: Abe's behavior unacceptable for very long time. Doesn’t answer cell phone calls, reaches out for help then declines any help offered, complete and utter abandonment of friends and false claims of depression and suicidal threats. Selfish and unruley mistreatment of flesh lite and other inanimate objects like pediatricians and tangerine smoothies. Recommend 9-14 years of "friend camp" in northern montana run by two shellfish and a small minor named "hiccup". Video clearly shows Abe not calling back Inez A. Cavavos and ignoring her forever until she is dead on a log in the east river of nowhere. Not too mention in this video Abe is watching a video of Inez weeping hysterically alone crying out for help. His laughter is unacceptable.
Signed - Terribly hurt nurse Cavavos
Some people respond well to sarcasm, Abe is one of these people. So I'm expecting a big ole hug from him any moment. Even if its awkwards cause he's "supposedly" on crutches. Hmph!!
Sunday, October 21, 2007
the things i do
Refuse to watch someones dog cause they hurt me
not physically
pretend grandma myrle is watching
sometimes
miss people (just a few)
hate cell phones
sunbathe on picnic tables
tell people im allergic to cheese even though I'm not sure
not physically
pretend grandma myrle is watching
sometimes
miss people (just a few)
hate cell phones
sunbathe on picnic tables
tell people im allergic to cheese even though I'm not sure
Slice me up Sunday
I just realized that France said they would put me up in an apartment with a kitchen but i dont cook.
I think people in Paris cook all the time. Cooking if probably quite normal. Maybe I should sign up for a cooking class.
A man yesterday:
him: "you are moving to Paris, you better hold your nose"
me: "Oh cause they dont curb their dogs?"
him: "No"
waiting
waiting
waiting
(then i walked away, he was done. And not that I finish many thoughts, especially on here, but he could have offered up ANYTHING even resembling a point dont you think?)
My neighboor told me her mom likes to talk just to talk. Apparently this woman could hold a conversation with Osama or even a blackberry bush all the same. So you can see why I was interested in joining them for dinner last night just to witness this phenomenon. So there we were at dinner and the conversation had been flowing smoothly. We placed our orders with the waitress, sat there sipping our drinks, and there it was, the first moment of silence. It lasted about 3 seconds....
"I like spinach" she said.
HAHAHAH. I tried so hard to hold in my laughter. Soo hard, i promise if there was any way to NOT laugh, i would have done it, but it was too good. There was NO context, just a blanket statement of loving spinach (no ones order even included spinach, I dont remember seeing spinach on the menu). But the thing is, that I love spinach tooo so I had to share this with her and that was basically the only thing i could do to keep from bursting into a laughing fit. Eve was almost crying, covering her face to stop the laughter. Her parents are so awesome. Especially her dad, he looks like a young Dustin Hoffman and has the most soothing voice ever.
Ok enough of this nonesense. I need to skate.
I think people in Paris cook all the time. Cooking if probably quite normal. Maybe I should sign up for a cooking class.
A man yesterday:
him: "you are moving to Paris, you better hold your nose"
me: "Oh cause they dont curb their dogs?"
him: "No"
waiting
waiting
waiting
(then i walked away, he was done. And not that I finish many thoughts, especially on here, but he could have offered up ANYTHING even resembling a point dont you think?)
My neighboor told me her mom likes to talk just to talk. Apparently this woman could hold a conversation with Osama or even a blackberry bush all the same. So you can see why I was interested in joining them for dinner last night just to witness this phenomenon. So there we were at dinner and the conversation had been flowing smoothly. We placed our orders with the waitress, sat there sipping our drinks, and there it was, the first moment of silence. It lasted about 3 seconds....
"I like spinach" she said.
HAHAHAH. I tried so hard to hold in my laughter. Soo hard, i promise if there was any way to NOT laugh, i would have done it, but it was too good. There was NO context, just a blanket statement of loving spinach (no ones order even included spinach, I dont remember seeing spinach on the menu). But the thing is, that I love spinach tooo so I had to share this with her and that was basically the only thing i could do to keep from bursting into a laughing fit. Eve was almost crying, covering her face to stop the laughter. Her parents are so awesome. Especially her dad, he looks like a young Dustin Hoffman and has the most soothing voice ever.
Ok enough of this nonesense. I need to skate.
Saturday, October 20, 2007
Forget the rumors
If you have been listening, you might have heard that a certain inez of a certain blog is depressed, lonely, cracked up, overexposed, but I'm sorry, what, whats that you say? you are too doped up on pain killers that you cannot understand? thats ok. today was the perfect dosage of skating, jeff and jeff, then two santa clause hours in the darkroom on 14th. i had the place to myself. no interuptions, no cell phones, just me and my negatives of times past. i used all my paper up and you say i never write about good things.....
When your friends dont get you
From: Inez
Sent: Thursday, October 18, 2007 11:19 AM
To: Caro
Subject: RE: Halloween
caro, i need your help. i need to make a list of everyone
From: Caro
Sent: Thu 10/18/2007 11:30 AM
To: Inez
Subject: RE: Halloween
everyone?? Well is going to be very hard to get the spelling of people living in asia.
I think if i make a few calls to my people, we should be able to get a roster for the entire south america.
I could get my cousin get me a list of central america people.
you should be able to get people in the north and canada, please include french people
We could ask fernando to get the spanish people
Chichi should be able to get some people from africa
we still need to cover australia (ask LS) and north and south pole.
are penguins included in this roster??
*******************************************************************************
God damn I love Caro. No matter what kind of nonsense I write her, she is always there to respond. I will miss that girl more than she will ever know. She is one of the few people that has made me laugh more than any other little ecuadorian could. she is good stuff.
Sent: Thursday, October 18, 2007 11:19 AM
To: Caro
Subject: RE: Halloween
caro, i need your help. i need to make a list of everyone
From: Caro
Sent: Thu 10/18/2007 11:30 AM
To: Inez
Subject: RE: Halloween
everyone?? Well is going to be very hard to get the spelling of people living in asia.
I think if i make a few calls to my people, we should be able to get a roster for the entire south america.
I could get my cousin get me a list of central america people.
you should be able to get people in the north and canada, please include french people
We could ask fernando to get the spanish people
Chichi should be able to get some people from africa
we still need to cover australia (ask LS) and north and south pole.
are penguins included in this roster??
*******************************************************************************
God damn I love Caro. No matter what kind of nonsense I write her, she is always there to respond. I will miss that girl more than she will ever know. She is one of the few people that has made me laugh more than any other little ecuadorian could. she is good stuff.
Monday, October 15, 2007
monday
You took a class on how to read people
was that at the learning annex?
i told you i was leaving
isnt that enough?
why does the level of detail not satisfy?
i sat on the steps of a brownstone
watching you stop in front of me and try to find your friends
i dont speak what you speak
i tried to make out the level of your crisis by your tone of voice
to the left of me was simone
i knew the tailor who had my wedding dress was within a block or two
i longed for the future as i sat in the past
on the way home i thought about painting
i looked in the paint box
the excuses come so easy
no newspaper
did you take that class with tina
have you looked in the mirror and practiced on yourself
why do you carry that saxophone if you are just gonna talk on your cell phone
i see these questions make you just as uncomfortable as my answers
was that at the learning annex?
i told you i was leaving
isnt that enough?
why does the level of detail not satisfy?
i sat on the steps of a brownstone
watching you stop in front of me and try to find your friends
i dont speak what you speak
i tried to make out the level of your crisis by your tone of voice
to the left of me was simone
i knew the tailor who had my wedding dress was within a block or two
i longed for the future as i sat in the past
on the way home i thought about painting
i looked in the paint box
the excuses come so easy
no newspaper
did you take that class with tina
have you looked in the mirror and practiced on yourself
why do you carry that saxophone if you are just gonna talk on your cell phone
i see these questions make you just as uncomfortable as my answers
Sunday, October 14, 2007
sunday
hey mami
button your coat
oh yeah
its gonna be a long nite
whats that? you met in a cult?
welcome to montana
i like to be taller than you
oh ah oh ah oh
i come from the land of the splitting earth
i am solid and human
and you
you speak nothin of the truth
you have no idea what you have signed up for
stay in colonia
tap on your stomach
let your liver increase
i am waving goodbye from my little window seat
in the dream you described
im standing next to you
the colors of the sun on the clouds on the earth on the horizon
you said
this is my new dawn
you said this is my new dawn
button your coat
oh yeah
its gonna be a long nite
whats that? you met in a cult?
welcome to montana
i like to be taller than you
oh ah oh ah oh
i come from the land of the splitting earth
i am solid and human
and you
you speak nothin of the truth
you have no idea what you have signed up for
stay in colonia
tap on your stomach
let your liver increase
i am waving goodbye from my little window seat
in the dream you described
im standing next to you
the colors of the sun on the clouds on the earth on the horizon
you said
this is my new dawn
you said this is my new dawn
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
Super Heated Self Diagnosis
We all know that this move to Paris has opened up a world of psychobabble emotions for me including stress, depression but not excluding happiness and excitement, its just that you hardly hear about that cause its not as interesting to write about. (I do get overwhelmed with excitment about this move) but thats the thing...ever since this move has become a reality, ever since the moments when I signed the paperwork sealing the deal, my BODY has been reacting.
My hots are TOO HOT
my colds are TOO COLD
now granted the nyc weather patterns for OCTOBER are completely wrong but I find it quite odd that I'm sitting on the subway in a wife beater sweating profusely while across from me is a man wearing three layers of button down shirts, sweater vests and a heavy trench coat and he seems perfectly fine....then next to him is a woman bascially wearing a sheep around her body! lol.
I have been online, asked people at the hospital (and no, not cafeteria workers, actual doctors!!!), esssentially ruled out early menopause, diabetes, std's, arthritis....whats really left is the bodys reaction to depression. Yes, I realize I have no professional ground to walk on here but hell its
MY BLOG
MY BODY
so MY DIAGNOSIS dammit! hehe.
thank you and goodnite
My hots are TOO HOT
my colds are TOO COLD
now granted the nyc weather patterns for OCTOBER are completely wrong but I find it quite odd that I'm sitting on the subway in a wife beater sweating profusely while across from me is a man wearing three layers of button down shirts, sweater vests and a heavy trench coat and he seems perfectly fine....then next to him is a woman bascially wearing a sheep around her body! lol.
I have been online, asked people at the hospital (and no, not cafeteria workers, actual doctors!!!), esssentially ruled out early menopause, diabetes, std's, arthritis....whats really left is the bodys reaction to depression. Yes, I realize I have no professional ground to walk on here but hell its
MY BLOG
MY BODY
so MY DIAGNOSIS dammit! hehe.
thank you and goodnite
Monday, October 08, 2007
Snappish
Ok so i snapped at Jeff tonight. Truth is, he is getting on my nerves. Who is Jeff? Jeff is this INCREDIBLE nyc skater who I first heard about and then met whilst on one of my marathon skates. In fact, I see him almost everyday and I stopped once and introduced myself. He taught me a few moves. Then came the others, his two friends who also skate with him. One 19 year old aussie and a forty somethin never married bronx man who makes beads and lives with his parents. They are this odd little trio of skaters thoroughly enjoying every minute they get to skate.
Sometimes I would hang out for a while and we'd chat it up. Its been a few months now, we have gotten to know eachother more. I found out that Jeff is married and my age. He never speaks of his wife and he wears his wedding ring on his thumb. I noticed he spends almost ALL his time skating and she's never come. He says its not her thing and they are "comfortably" extreme independents with their own lives yet somehow they remain married. He has also hinted at that she needed citizenship (8 years ago) and I think that he may have married her for that but maybe, at least, initially he was in love with her. Part of me thinks there is no way he can be happily married and mainly I think its because I have been there. With my ex fiance, we were completely different and yet we both kept telling ourselves it was ok. I mean, I hardly know Jeff so who am I to judge. I just see this sadness in him and I see it in the others too. But I'll get to them in a second.
Recently, they have all started to completely annoy me. Let me explain...theres this path that sort of circles around where we skate. And they have this sort of imaginary clock they've turned it into so whenever they see some "hot" chick, they speak to eachother in terms of what time she falls into. At first, I was amused by this mainly cause I never really noticed it before. But once you start to really pay attention to the type of women that run/walk/skate/bike on this path, you see that its constant rush hour of hot women. They even have names for the women: Dimples - some chick who is so in shape she has dimples in her back
Angus - some chick with extra meat which they love
Jailbait - do i have to explain?
and then variations, theirs "senior dimples" who is an older version of regular dimples, theres mini angus, theres at least 3 jailbaits. And the list goes on. Well now its to the point where I can hardly have a conversation with any of these guys without them GAUKING and yelling out the time of some hot chick. And you see, they can live their lives however they want. What bothers me is that when I make fun of them for practically losing conciousness over the hotness of some chick, they get all defensive and try to justify over and over how they are really appreciating women and its a compliment to women and how they dont discriminate and also, and especially for "married" Jeff, how he has every right to admire other women. And I agree, he can admire. But if I was his wife and witnessed this CONSTANT nightly female admiration club, I would likely start to wonder if something is not quite fullfilling in his life.
My friend Christine says I'm just at a different place right now and they dont get it. I'm incredibly lonely and nervous a lot. I used to get great satisfaction from skating all the time and releasing these thoughts but now I get annoyed just THINKING about these guys. I thought about why I stopped and why I got to know these guys in the first place. And the truth is, I feel so distant from my friends cause we have such different lives now that I thought I could make some new ones. And now I am just bored with these guys. They really have little to offer me. And instead of feeling good about myself, I leave feeling wierd. Like I started sizing myself up against some of these women and I felt inadequate. And I hate that feeling. And whats worse, I have NO REASON to feel that way.
And tonight I snapped at Jeff cause I told him about this biker who yelled at me:
"So this asshole biker yelled at me tonight"
And his response essentially assured me he was not paying any attention. He cuts me off "Oh so OK, so did you wink and smile at him"
"Uhh no, why would I..."
Cuts me off again "You should have winked and worked on your smile" (these guys always talk over eachother. oftentimes they are all talking at the same time, to eachother, not paying any attention to what the other is saying)
I previously told him about this cute guy I have seen skating up and down the path and he wants me to smile at him. But the asshole biker had NOTHING to do with that. Sometimes I think he has a one track mind. So I kinda snapped "WHY would I wink and smile at an ASSHOLE biker"
He got big eyed and sort of looked at me alarmingly. I felt bad but what the hell.
This holding tank lifestyle is really not my thing. I'm starting to lose my mind. I need to move. dammit GE and France...i want to MOVE!!!!!
Sometimes I would hang out for a while and we'd chat it up. Its been a few months now, we have gotten to know eachother more. I found out that Jeff is married and my age. He never speaks of his wife and he wears his wedding ring on his thumb. I noticed he spends almost ALL his time skating and she's never come. He says its not her thing and they are "comfortably" extreme independents with their own lives yet somehow they remain married. He has also hinted at that she needed citizenship (8 years ago) and I think that he may have married her for that but maybe, at least, initially he was in love with her. Part of me thinks there is no way he can be happily married and mainly I think its because I have been there. With my ex fiance, we were completely different and yet we both kept telling ourselves it was ok. I mean, I hardly know Jeff so who am I to judge. I just see this sadness in him and I see it in the others too. But I'll get to them in a second.
Recently, they have all started to completely annoy me. Let me explain...theres this path that sort of circles around where we skate. And they have this sort of imaginary clock they've turned it into so whenever they see some "hot" chick, they speak to eachother in terms of what time she falls into. At first, I was amused by this mainly cause I never really noticed it before. But once you start to really pay attention to the type of women that run/walk/skate/bike on this path, you see that its constant rush hour of hot women. They even have names for the women: Dimples - some chick who is so in shape she has dimples in her back
Angus - some chick with extra meat which they love
Jailbait - do i have to explain?
and then variations, theirs "senior dimples" who is an older version of regular dimples, theres mini angus, theres at least 3 jailbaits. And the list goes on. Well now its to the point where I can hardly have a conversation with any of these guys without them GAUKING and yelling out the time of some hot chick. And you see, they can live their lives however they want. What bothers me is that when I make fun of them for practically losing conciousness over the hotness of some chick, they get all defensive and try to justify over and over how they are really appreciating women and its a compliment to women and how they dont discriminate and also, and especially for "married" Jeff, how he has every right to admire other women. And I agree, he can admire. But if I was his wife and witnessed this CONSTANT nightly female admiration club, I would likely start to wonder if something is not quite fullfilling in his life.
My friend Christine says I'm just at a different place right now and they dont get it. I'm incredibly lonely and nervous a lot. I used to get great satisfaction from skating all the time and releasing these thoughts but now I get annoyed just THINKING about these guys. I thought about why I stopped and why I got to know these guys in the first place. And the truth is, I feel so distant from my friends cause we have such different lives now that I thought I could make some new ones. And now I am just bored with these guys. They really have little to offer me. And instead of feeling good about myself, I leave feeling wierd. Like I started sizing myself up against some of these women and I felt inadequate. And I hate that feeling. And whats worse, I have NO REASON to feel that way.
And tonight I snapped at Jeff cause I told him about this biker who yelled at me:
"So this asshole biker yelled at me tonight"
And his response essentially assured me he was not paying any attention. He cuts me off "Oh so OK, so did you wink and smile at him"
"Uhh no, why would I..."
Cuts me off again "You should have winked and worked on your smile" (these guys always talk over eachother. oftentimes they are all talking at the same time, to eachother, not paying any attention to what the other is saying)
I previously told him about this cute guy I have seen skating up and down the path and he wants me to smile at him. But the asshole biker had NOTHING to do with that. Sometimes I think he has a one track mind. So I kinda snapped "WHY would I wink and smile at an ASSHOLE biker"
He got big eyed and sort of looked at me alarmingly. I felt bad but what the hell.
This holding tank lifestyle is really not my thing. I'm starting to lose my mind. I need to move. dammit GE and France...i want to MOVE!!!!!
Sunday, October 07, 2007
Kissing for Sparks
Once upon a time a million years ago I had this friend who tried to set me up with her cousin. She was so excited and couldnt wait for me to meet him. He was cute, serially nice, sweet, awkwardly funny and all that. But for some reason, I just wasn't feeling it. I tried. My friend was so sure that we would be this perfect fit. I almost felt like I was letting her down by not being into it. So finally, after at least three dates (maybe 4 or 5, this was years ago), I decided I would give it one last try and kissed him. I had conjoured up this rational that the final straw would be in his kiss....well I felt NOTHING. literally no sparks, nothing. My friend was PISSED off that I kissed him and then called it off. She could not see my reason.
Which brings us to last night. A different friend was stuck in a similar situation. And I've met this guy. He is everything. Funny, smart, handsome, tall, edgy, the works! But yet my friend just didn't get that feeling you get when you are with someone you really like. And fast forward two years later, they are still friends. She tells me that on many of their "friend" outings, he has always tried to be more and she would decline. So last night I had enough...he went to the bathroom and I looked at her and asked her what the hell was wrong with her. how could she NOT like this guy???? I could see it in her eyes that she really WANTED to like him that way. I told her to kiss him. Again with my rational on its in his kiss.
Well about an hour later, I saw him go in for the kiss.
She calls me later last night:
"Hey Inez, its "friend", I'm on my way home, my head still hurts from hitting the astro turf*. I dropped "him" off and yeah, I dont think its there, I just dont know what it is. I will talk to you tomorrow"
(*um, we did some cartwheels on this astro turf [YES, in Manhattan]. it was all fun and games until she landed on her face. haha)
Now granted its still too early to realize the consequences of this kiss but I think and still stand by my reason that sometimes when you dont have that perfect fit and you really want to, I think the rule out scenario is to check for spark plugs on his lips.
Ps. men, if you really want to get a girl, smoking ciggs before the first kiss is not good. At least bring some gum with you.
Which brings us to last night. A different friend was stuck in a similar situation. And I've met this guy. He is everything. Funny, smart, handsome, tall, edgy, the works! But yet my friend just didn't get that feeling you get when you are with someone you really like. And fast forward two years later, they are still friends. She tells me that on many of their "friend" outings, he has always tried to be more and she would decline. So last night I had enough...he went to the bathroom and I looked at her and asked her what the hell was wrong with her. how could she NOT like this guy???? I could see it in her eyes that she really WANTED to like him that way. I told her to kiss him. Again with my rational on its in his kiss.
Well about an hour later, I saw him go in for the kiss.
She calls me later last night:
"Hey Inez, its "friend", I'm on my way home, my head still hurts from hitting the astro turf*. I dropped "him" off and yeah, I dont think its there, I just dont know what it is. I will talk to you tomorrow"
(*um, we did some cartwheels on this astro turf [YES, in Manhattan]. it was all fun and games until she landed on her face. haha)
Now granted its still too early to realize the consequences of this kiss but I think and still stand by my reason that sometimes when you dont have that perfect fit and you really want to, I think the rule out scenario is to check for spark plugs on his lips.
Ps. men, if you really want to get a girl, smoking ciggs before the first kiss is not good. At least bring some gum with you.
Tuesday, October 02, 2007
Even Aliens discriminate the old
And its not like I THINK I'm old but being 33 isn't exactly fresh and young when it comes to dating. According to the New York Press, even my eggs are too old. Prime eggs peak around 18 and then stop peaking near age 25. Of course I try to LIVE "young" and I THINK "fresh" so I'm confident in my eggs even now. They are wise and sharp. Not at all ready for retirement.
Where was I? yes, the alien on the subway. I was crossing to the 4/5 express at 42nd st (typical commute) and I stepped around a man holding a hand drawn diagram of his "universe". Which apparently wanted only spiritual godly people and if you were female, he specifically pointed out that you CANNOT be a minute over 29 to enter his congregation. He was refusing "old women"!!! And he defined OLD by 30 and ABOVE!!!That mullet haired bastard.
Cause I see even my male friends (in their 30's) checking out younger women. Fresh meat. The Older man (aka last man i dated) went from me to a 26 year old (so i heard). And he was 53. Then this guy at work has a cute friend I met on Friday night whose 28 and he just broke up with an 18 year old!
EIGHTEEN! what are we taking from this?
men of all ages want ripe younger women with fresh parts but not necessarily fresh minds. And this essentially CLARIFIES the point made by my older skater friend from last Saturday night when we were chatting....he said:
"...men only want a relationship with "the one" and anyone else they just want to have fun with"
Ok. I don't see anything super wrong with that. If we believe it then there is some shred of hope for us that men actually continue to quest for the "one". but then again, do you think when a man decides to date someone years younger than him, do you think he has already decided there is no way this is the "one". Do you think he will just play it out as long as he can until even a HINT of "relationship" surfaces? Perhaps there is something to this. I don't know.
Its all just tuesday nite chatter.
ps. thanks to all who chimed in with my warning signs of sadness, I am so thankful for you all.
Where was I? yes, the alien on the subway. I was crossing to the 4/5 express at 42nd st (typical commute) and I stepped around a man holding a hand drawn diagram of his "universe". Which apparently wanted only spiritual godly people and if you were female, he specifically pointed out that you CANNOT be a minute over 29 to enter his congregation. He was refusing "old women"!!! And he defined OLD by 30 and ABOVE!!!That mullet haired bastard.
Cause I see even my male friends (in their 30's) checking out younger women. Fresh meat. The Older man (aka last man i dated) went from me to a 26 year old (so i heard). And he was 53. Then this guy at work has a cute friend I met on Friday night whose 28 and he just broke up with an 18 year old!
EIGHTEEN! what are we taking from this?
men of all ages want ripe younger women with fresh parts but not necessarily fresh minds. And this essentially CLARIFIES the point made by my older skater friend from last Saturday night when we were chatting....he said:
"...men only want a relationship with "the one" and anyone else they just want to have fun with"
Ok. I don't see anything super wrong with that. If we believe it then there is some shred of hope for us that men actually continue to quest for the "one". but then again, do you think when a man decides to date someone years younger than him, do you think he has already decided there is no way this is the "one". Do you think he will just play it out as long as he can until even a HINT of "relationship" surfaces? Perhaps there is something to this. I don't know.
Its all just tuesday nite chatter.
ps. thanks to all who chimed in with my warning signs of sadness, I am so thankful for you all.
Monday, October 01, 2007
what do you want to hear
Did you come here to read about how happy I am? How wonderful being single is? How I cannot wait to move to Paris?
NO. You came here cause you want the truth. And cause I'm (mostly) not afraid to tell it straight.
Ok so on the west side path, right as I'm approaching the totally GORGEOUS column-aide area which sits on a cliff and overlooks the hudson and is pretty much the coolest view I've ever seen, I got super sad. TERRIBLY SAD. I almost cried. But I fought it, I fought for the tears TO COME out. God dammit, I am so sick of being sad. I want the tears OUT OF MY BODY! But they wouldn't come. They were not ready I guess. Why? I dont know. What I do know is that sadness is there so that happiness MEANS more. I need it. I crave it. How can I be happy all the fucking time. I was there to burn off the energy. To see the red lighthouse. Because its a story. I like stories and this is the story of how far I skated. How I need competition and how I can skate to the cloisters faster than your stupid local train reminding you not to ride on the outside.
And I wasn't going to tell you this. I was refraining from talking sad. I didn't want you to know about it. But tonight a friend agreed that I should NOT call/email/fax the lawyer I met on the subway and it was RIGHT then that I knew I was not letting lonliness rule my life. I knew that I was making choices based on hard core truths and not dreams of kissing lips.
damn the truth
damn the truth
Go ahead readers and push back the fear, the sadness, release it in the bag around your carrier piggeon and let it fly away. I will handle all residual feeling and skate it up north, leave it at the GW bridge.
And under that bridge is the cute saxophone player who never plays his saxophone but sits near it looking totally hot. I had to smile. I DID smile. and maybe cause he might as well be in alaska.
I dont want to live here anymore but I cant stand leaving.
NO. You came here cause you want the truth. And cause I'm (mostly) not afraid to tell it straight.
Ok so on the west side path, right as I'm approaching the totally GORGEOUS column-aide area which sits on a cliff and overlooks the hudson and is pretty much the coolest view I've ever seen, I got super sad. TERRIBLY SAD. I almost cried. But I fought it, I fought for the tears TO COME out. God dammit, I am so sick of being sad. I want the tears OUT OF MY BODY! But they wouldn't come. They were not ready I guess. Why? I dont know. What I do know is that sadness is there so that happiness MEANS more. I need it. I crave it. How can I be happy all the fucking time. I was there to burn off the energy. To see the red lighthouse. Because its a story. I like stories and this is the story of how far I skated. How I need competition and how I can skate to the cloisters faster than your stupid local train reminding you not to ride on the outside.
And I wasn't going to tell you this. I was refraining from talking sad. I didn't want you to know about it. But tonight a friend agreed that I should NOT call/email/fax the lawyer I met on the subway and it was RIGHT then that I knew I was not letting lonliness rule my life. I knew that I was making choices based on hard core truths and not dreams of kissing lips.
damn the truth
damn the truth
Go ahead readers and push back the fear, the sadness, release it in the bag around your carrier piggeon and let it fly away. I will handle all residual feeling and skate it up north, leave it at the GW bridge.
And under that bridge is the cute saxophone player who never plays his saxophone but sits near it looking totally hot. I had to smile. I DID smile. and maybe cause he might as well be in alaska.
I dont want to live here anymore but I cant stand leaving.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)